Psycho guards at charity events Part 1

A few weeks back, a group of my friends and I decided that we would do our bit for cancer research, and went to an event called Relay for Life, the aim of which was to raise money and give the people of Wagga a bit of exercise by walking around a track. We did it last year and loved it, and expected the same this year. Unfortunately, it was not to be.

When I arrived that morning, I was issued a purple wristband, which was presumably meant to allow me free entrance and exit, but apparently only identified me as a supporter of gay rights, from the free entrance and exit it allowed me later. Regardless, I met up with Brad, the guy who organised our “team”, and immediately noticed the hats on every single person in the area. It only being about 8:30, and not exactly peak time for sunburn, I was a little confused, but thought “Oh well, it is a cancer function. Maybe they’re just feeling guilty”. But no, the security guards had come past and FORCED them to wear hats. Needless to say, said hats were removed within seconds of the guards leaving, but it did set the tone for the rest of the day.

For a few happy hours, we killed time by playing poker and listening to some truly horrific music, until we decided to go get some pizza. A few people went out, and called us about half an hour later to come up to the gates to help get the pizza. Which we did. After standing just inside the gates for about ten minutes, they eventually showed up and we walked the four or so metres out to the car. However, it was at this time disaster struck. We had five underage people, and only one guardian! According to the guards, the ratio was 4:1, or no entry, despite the fact that three of us had only gone four steps outside the oval. The conversation went something like this:

Guard: Sorry fella’s, but there’s five of you, and you need one to every four.
Us: … Are you serious?
Guard: Yes. I’m afraid that you’ll have to either find another guardian or leave
Us: …
Guard: Well?
The one guardian: Let me get this straight. You won’t let us in because there are five of us.
Guard: Yes
TOG: You aren’t serious.
Guard: Yes I am, sir
*At this point, about four cars nearly hit us, so we adjourn to the side of the road*
Us: *various swearing* Caleb, go get your mum.
Caleb: Righto then

So at that point, my good friend Caleb left us to go get the other guardian, his mother. Unfortunately, his mother was apparently somewhere in the area of the goddamn moon, as it took roughly half an hour to find her. Meanwhile, we were standing there, in the dark, holding pizza, and having flashlights shone into our eyes just to ensure that we, possibly the most unfit people there, didn’t run off and cause untold havoc, such as walking in the wrong direction, eating pizza, and sitting down.

After being treated like terrorists at the gate for a million years, Caleb and his mother eventually returned from their whimsical cosmic adventures and came to vouch for us. However, the guard still had trouble with the fact we wanted to get in…

Us: For christs sake, we have two guardians, let us in.
Guard: But there are five of you
Us: AND TWO GUARDIANS. LET US IN.

At this point, another guard came up and gently led the idiot away, whilst waving us through. Let me tell you, if security at the airports is as tight as it is at charity events, then the terrorists aren’t going to have an easy time of getting through, legal guardians or not.